Stargate Atlantis Diary
by kellytalv
Summary: Dr. Heightmeyer asked everyone to start a diary. what will they write?
1. John Sheppard

**I have about the same amount of patience as a peanut, so instead of writing Stargate SG1: When the elves step in, I'm writing this. So a little intro: Dr. Heighmeyer asked every member of SGA1 to write something in their diary ever day for the whole week. So here it is. Let's start with Sheppard, Shall we?**

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_Monday. April 6_

Sooooo... Let me just say I'm not very good at this diary keeping thing. I know that no one (hopefully) will read it, but I just felt the need to say this. We should be writing about what we did today so here it is: Today we went to this really cool planet with little villages and all. And there was this really hot chick who was smiling at me and winking to me and stuff. Rodney of course thought that the girl was hitting on_ him_, but I know better. No wraith encounters. Thank god. And yeah... I guess that's it. Bye then!

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_Tuesday. April 7_

I'm back! I just came from a sparring match with Ronon. He won obviously. But I think I'm getting better at this already besides I don't get my ass kicked as much as Rodney. Speaking of Rodney I wonder what he is writing in his diary... I should go and find out where he hid it.

Bye for now!

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_Wednesday April 8_

Still no luck with finding Rodneys diary. That sucks. Today we had an ordinary recon, but some wraith showed up. I killed about 3 and teyla got 1 Ronon and Rodney didn't hit anybody!!!!! Losers. Caldwell arrived with his fancy ship too. And we are stuck with them for three more weeks. McKay said something about system malfunctioning, but I zoned out after 'weight distribution'. Then he asked me to go and give some fancy pice of ecuipment to Hermiod. I ordered a liutenant to do it. I mean it's not normal if a creature doesn't know it's sex. Just not normal!!!!!!!

Also, I have a date with Laura today. Wish me luck! (It's not like I need it or anything. A new bottle of hair gel would come in handy though.)

Bye for now!

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_Thursday April 9_

More wraith. I hit a tree insted of a wraith, but I blamed it on Rodney I can't be more of a loser than he is. The date with Laura went horrible last night. I couldn't find a suitable topic. It's was like talking to McKay. I blame it on that cheap hair gel. Caldwell just doesn't know what kind of hair products i need. This hair doesn't just 'happen'!!

Yesterday I saw Teyla wink at one of the gate guards. She said that her eye twitched, but I don't buy it. Oooh, ooh ! I almost forgot! There was finally roast beef in the menu! I have been requesting for it forever. It was just as good as i hoped. And I told them to put extra lemon in it so that Rodney couldn't eat it. It was so much fun seeing his face cloud over when the chef said that there was lemon in it. He stomped out and started working on the chair out of frustration. Of course now I'm forced to write a formal apology to dr. Zelenka, because his lunch was ruined too. Oh well... Stuff happens...

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_Friday April 10_

I wasn't my fault!!!!!!!!!!! I'm telling you it was not my fault!! Okay maybe it did _accidentally _slip from my mouth that Carson's turtle didn't run away, Weir threw it off the balckony thinking it was a fish, but It still wasn't my fault!!!!! It's not like I threw him. Okay so I yelled, „Look! A Fish!" out of the blue, pointing on carsons turtle, but I didn't think she'd fall for it. Apparently she did. Carson promised to order another set of extra-big syringes just for me. So unfair. They just hate me because I have their dream hair. Okay I'm going to have to go now and write an apology to Carson about his turtle and everything. I hate when I have to do that.

Bye!

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_Saturday April 11_

Don't have time to talk. Have to get ready for my date with Merilyn. And I'm so not going to talk about the accident in the cafeteria today, when I started picking my fork up and my pants split in half. I just had to wear those sponge-bob underpants today, didn't I?

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_Sunday April 12_

The last day of writing in the diary. I quite started liking it already, but with my schedual, who has time to write anything apart from mission reports. Which reminds me... I have about 20 reports to read through before next Monday. I better get them to Teyla and tell her to read them.

About the date yesterday- Merilyn had heard about the sponge-bob accident as I like to call it, so she asked to see them. The date was a hit. I better clean my room. She lost her bra and wants it back.

Well... I have to go looking for it now.

Bye!


	2. Rodney Meredith McKay

_**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, scenes or stuff that's mentioned here. I only own the idea.**_

**Now that that's out of the way- Rodney's diary!!!**** P.S: Thanks to the reviewers! **

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_Monday. April 6_

Hi Diary! No, I can't say Hi to an inanimate object...

Okay. Lets start over.

My name is Rodney, And I'm writing this diary on Dr. Heightmeyers request. Not even a date with her didn't get me out of it. Anyhow... Today while being on recon I was really happy, because this girl was smiling and winking in my direction. I was really excited until I realized that I was standing right in front of John. It's so unfair. He gets all the chicks and I get the paperwork. But on the bright side- Zelenka screwed another calculation up and once again had to admit that I was the smartest. Cause you see we have this thing going, that if one screws up, he has to admit that the other is smarter. Guess who's winning? I'll just go and double check Zelenkas job or something. Talk to you later! Not that I'm actually talking to you, it's more like writing... Oh whatever. Bye!

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_Tuesday April 7_

While exploring the city today, I found some secret laboratory. Secret because the door to it was so hidden we almost missed it, but thanks to my brilliant mind I managed to get the door open. I mean this is great! Another amazing place we had yet to uncover. I didn't have enough time to find out what research was conducted in there, but I will soon , i just hope it's something big so that I could be better than Zelenka again!

_Wednesday April 8_

Turns out the 'secret lab' we found was completely emptied out. Whoever did something in there deleted all of it. And while I was looking for at least something in that lab, Zelenka found a weapons research base. According to him we are even now. I hate even! There is nothing interesting about it, just two things exactly in balance.

Another recon too. Some wraith showed up but my excellent flying skills saved the day as always (It's usually either my brilliant mind or my perfect puddle-jumper flying.)

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_Thursday April 9_

Wraith just keep coming and coming! Another day, another recon, another battle. And ANOTHER weapons research base! I swear, Zelenka is making it up! There is no way in hell (or heaven for that matter) that he would find two weapons research bases in two days!

And guess what happened today? For the first time in three years there was stake. First time!!!!! And just as i was about to order it the chef said that apparently _'someone'_ had ordered EXTRA lemon in the stake! I knew it! I just knew it that they were trying to kill me. Beckett said that I was just paranoid and no-one's trying to kill me, but I know better! After that I went to work on that stupid chair and ordered Zelenka to do the same. Of course he started whining about his lunchtime and some other things I didn't understand (Curse him and his Czech language) but no pain no gain I say!

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_Friday April 10_

Today I made an amazing discovery! If I reroute some of the electricity into the main conduent I might just be able to start up some of the technical sideprograms designed for diagnostics and therefore make the buffering systems run more smoothly. Weir will be thrilled to hear that! Which of course will make me better than Zelenka once again!

I also heard something about Carson and his precious Turtle. Never liked those things. Now cats, Cats I just love. They are loyal and trusting, but independent, don't come drooling after you like stupid dogs. Cats are more intelligent too. Granted you can't teach them any tricks but that's because they are above all that. They are perfect pets. I just don't understand how people don't see it.

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_Saturday April 11_

Is it possible that you are training your muscels while you are laughing? Because if it is I should be the strongest person in the galaxy right now. During luch Sheppard accidentally dropped his fork and while he bowed down to take it, his pants split up! Right in the middle! I think it was one of the happiest days in my life since for some reason almost every girl on the base was eating at the same time! I had to fight off a sudden urge to yell „ I see London, I see France, I see someones underpants!" and just to add the cherry on top, he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Talk about a laughing fit. I thought the tower was about to explode. Gosh... A great day!

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_Sunday April 12_

I feel kinda sad that this has to be the last entry. I mean I could keep it up longer, but I'm too afraid that Sheppard will steal it and show it to everyone. I could never live down the embarrassment.

Talking about John, he had the most embarrasing incident in the history of Atlantis, and he STILL gets all the girls. When I went to mock him today I stepped in just as he was about to start cleaning and after i asked „Soooo... how was it to sleep in your newly acquired pool of embarrassment" he said that he didn't sleep, he had 'other things in mind' and then he asked me to help him find Merilyns bra. That is just cruel. When I approached Merilyn and told her that I had Batman pajamas, she looked at me weird and told me to never approach her again.

Well I guess that's it... ahem... bye.

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**Sorry if that was a bit crappy. Tell me what you think and if it sucks too much I'll change it**


	3. Ronon Dex

**Disclaimer: I STILL don't own the stargate series , but I do however own this idea. **

**So. Next up is Ronon and for now he will probably be the last one. I have no idea what to write for Teyla. If you have any ideas thoguh... Don't be too afraid to tell me ****:):). Right now I'm watching the end of 3rd season and I was thinking that maybe later I'll write something for Sam too. But that's only if I get any ideas. Now that you have fell asleep becuase of the long outhors note, I'll get on with the story.

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_Monday April 6_

Today I fought with Teyla. I won. It felt great.

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_Tuesday April 7_

Today I had a sparring match with Sheppard. I kicked his ass. It was nothing special. I do it all the time.

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_Wednesday April 8_

We fought the wraith. I didn't hit any. It felt awful.

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_Thursday April 9_

We fought some wraith. Sheppard hit a tree instead of a wraith. It was hilarious.

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_Friday April 10_

I didn't do anything. It was boring

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_Saturday April 11_

Sheppards pants split in the cafeteria. I laughed.

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_Sunday April 12_

I found out that I can stop writing now. It feels great.

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**Okay now before kill me, because Ronons diary is so boring think about it. What could Ronon possibly write? O_o. Okay. Any ideas on Teyla? Tell me. Review!**

**Oh and REALLY, REALLY, REALLY big thank you to every one who has reviewed. It really means a lot to me :)**


	4. Teyla Emmagan

**Here is Teylas diary. I really hope you like it. And again: thnks for all the great reviews, they helped me A LOT :):). **

**Disclaimer: Nope. Still nothing. Not even on DVDs!!! Poor little me...

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_Monday April 6_

Dr. Heighmeyer has asked us to start writing in a diary. I understand that the consept is to write down what I did during the day and how I felt.

Today we had a recon mission to a planet, where we believed, we would find peaceful villagers willing to trade with us. The planet was very beautyful and the villages very well-built. I managed to close a deal between them and Athosians which in my opinion is a mission success. John and Rodney were fighing over a girl, which is very common between those two. I also had a sparring match with Ronon. I lost because of an uneasy feeling in my stomach. I didn't go to see Dr. Beckett because I felt it unneccesary.

While watching the sunset later on I was thinking about creating a family of my own someday. It made me feel sad that we haven't terminated the threat from the Wraith, but I do believe that my children and grandchildren will one day live free.

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_Tuesday April 7_

Today I spent the whole day with my people on the mainland. It was so nice to see them again. I have been very busy during the last month, so I never got the oppurtunity to see them. I had the weird sensation in my stomach again. When I mentioned it to Elizabeth she thought that it could be from something I ate. Ronon did say that the food on the planet we were yesterday tasted funny. I am conserned that maybe Rodney shouldn't go out to laboratorys alone. Who knows what effects this food could have on us.

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_Wednesday April 8_

On a recon we ran into the wraith. We managed to kill some, but many of them still got away. Rodney flew very well and got us out of there. I am still very sad that we didn't have time to save many of the villagers.

The spinning in my stomach has finally stopped so I believe that it was just a minor food poisoning like Elizabeth said. I'm very glad that nobody else fell ill.

While meditating this morning I felt someone elses presence. When I opened my eyes there was nobody in the room but me. I have never felt this way before. Maybe one of the Athosias who died three days ago is trying to say goodbye.

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_Thursday April 9_

We had to fight the Wraith again, but thankfully this time it was on an uninhabited planet. I'm very grateful that no-one got hurt.

Also John told the chef to put extra lemon in the stake to make sure Rodney can't eat it. Everybody laughed but I thought that it was a very mean thing to do. Specially because Rodney has been requesting for the stake many weeks now. I hope he is not very mad at us. John goes a bit overboard sometimes.

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_Friday April 10_

Today while in the infirmary (I bruised my hand while sparring) I heard John tell Carson that Elizabeth threw his turtle off the balckony. Poor doctor was devastated after hearing that. I can't believe Sheppard can be so insensitive sometimes.

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_Saturday April 11_

Today while we were in the cafeteria John bowed down and his pants split. Everybody was laughing because he seemed to have some earth movie character on his underpants. I asked Weir about it and she explained it to me a bit. I think that this sponge character was very sweet, but when I mentioned it to Sheppard he blushed and rushed away.

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_Sunday April 12_

I am very grateful to dr. Heightmeyer for recommending us to do this diary. It has really been a great expirience, but I believe I don't have enough time to continue it in the future.

There were some rumors that Sheppard had a „Wild night" with one of the scientists, Merelyn, but when I approached her about it, she said that they had been playing poker.

I guess that is it for the time being. Maybe I will start this again someday. But for now, bye!

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**As you guys can see I mixed some of the ideas from the reviews and got Teylas diary. It's not very funny, but I couldn't think of anything funny to write for her. **

**The original team has done everything they needed and I will can start brainstorming about who to torture next. Might be Sam, but I might start the same thing with SG1 too :P**

**Stay tuned! And review!! Yes, the button down there. Right there! Yes. Now click it :D! **


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